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What I didn’t talk about was my greatest challenge of all. My greatest fear is my fear of talking to strangers; more so a group of people. How was I going to tackle that? How was I going to conduct my own presentations/trainings? London was fine; they had their own organized meetings, trainings, conferences etc. All that I had to do was get someone to go to the venue and meet them there and the rest would be taken care of. I could even introduce my guests to Gary and others for a one-to-one chat!
I once tried to give a testimonial at a conference of more than 5,000 people from NSA. When on stage my mouth dried up and my mind went blank. How I wanted the earth to open up and swallow me.
I remember once asking my Dad (who was a Barrister) how he spoke in public he said, ”Just talk”! That didn’t help. Dad couldn’t comprehend my problem as it was so natural for him to talk in front of people.
Thinking about it, I had become very much dependent on others.
Russia was going to be different; I was going to have to do it all myself; I was going to have to become independent; to throw away the concept of needing an “external-authority” and take on 100%-total-self-responsibility!
Are we not responsible for our lives, thoughts and actions? Of course we are. But then if we rationalise that we are not then we say to ourselves that we are not responsible. That means someone/something else is responsible. That way I can say that it is not my fault. I am off the hook; I can blame circumstances, friends, parents, siblings, luck, the stars, or whatever. I was free. I am not to blame. It was all any easy way out. I did not have to put in the effort; I could be lazy and protect my pseudo self-esteem!
We are the sum total of our belief systems. It is our belief systems that shape our actions and it is our actions that shape our destiny.
I am going to have to learn to step outside my comfort zone; to do things I do not want to do. To remove my self- imposed limitations. This was not going to be easy!
