When someone has hurt or wronged you, can you forgive them? We look into forgiveness, what it means and why it matters.

© Stepan Popov - Fotolia.com© Stepan Popov - Fotolia.com

What is real forgiveness?

It's easy to mumble, “I forgive you," but to truly forgive someone - or even yourself - is a different thing altogether.

It is not a merely a matter of accepting an apology and remaining friends, you have to look deeper into your heart to know if you have truly forgiven.

Real forgiveness is when you, as the victim, genuinely have a sense of peace about the harm or damage caused. This is when you are able to let go of any emotions of anger, vengefulness and resentment. When you truly forgive, you do it whole-heartedly and without wishing any harm to the person who hurt you.

Often, we are hurt by others deliberately. Maybe that woman you once knew schemed and stole your lover. At other times, it can be more subtle. Maybe a friend did not invite you to her dinner party, or your husband forgot to buy milk even though you asked several times.

Things your parents did years ago may also affect you. Perhaps they forced you into law school when all you wanted was to be a ballerina. Maybe you hold onto resentment because you are not where you want to be now due to decisions they made for you in the past.

Whatever grudges you still carry, it is important that you learn the art of forgiveness.

Why forgive?

Forgiveness can not only provide a clear conscience for the one who apologises, but it also helps you, the hurt one, make peace with yourself. It helps you to walk away from your past and to step forward feeling lighter about your future.

If you do not forgive, you carry the weight in your heart. It affects your emotions, mind and well-being more than you know.

While you may not see tangible effects, if you could see the energy that surrounds you, you would feel compelled to forgive quickly and truly.

When you let go of negative emotions, it has a major impact on your body. It is better for your heart, your organs and your blood pressure. You also reap the benefits of a peaceful mind. This includes decreased anxiety, decreased depression, decreased guilt and increased happiness.

When you practice the art of forgiveness, it not only helps restore relationships, it brings healing to your body and mind.