I apologize that this is so long, but I truly hope you will read it and gain insight, hope, faith, or anything else positive from my words. I pray that the words will touch your heart and lift your spirit, possibly heal you somewhat, and etc. Thanks 

Faith is capable of moving entire mountains with a thought. I never give up hope, because if I did I never would have: 

0) been willing to keep trying to move forward, despite a severe back injury in '88 that caused unmanageable / intolerable chronic pain thatmade me bedridden. The surgery was able to reduce the pain by about 1/3, so I was able to function again. 
1) found my wife of almost 30 years on AOL in a chat room. 
2) I never would have moved across the country to be with her (New York to Utah), without a job or any leads on a job. 
3) been hired by my mother and father in law, despite the fact that they told me there was absolutely no position for me in the family business. 
4) been able to plan our lives so in depth that when after our first child we were unsuccessful in having a second and quickly switched over to adoption, because we had already had all those hard discussions before we even met in person. 
5) had a potential sonin our home for over a week, but then learned the mother lied about many things and so we returned him to her. 
6) on the exact day and very close to the same time we were dropping him off, another mother was on the phone with our adoption agency and announcing that they had chosen us to adopt their daughter who was almost ready to be born. 
7) I had other injuries that were all made substantially worse due to a car accident, that disabled me and elevated my pain so much that it is difficult to function.
- I could add more but this is already quite long, so I have stopped at that point. Faith and hope have gotten me through some incredibly difficult times in my life and I truly hope they will help you as much or more. 

I have had many periods where I felt like my best option was to commit suicide over the past 34 years, but I was able to stop myself because of a few crucial reasons - 
A) I came to realize that I would be causing my family permanent pain, hardship, suffering, anguish, feelings of guilt for not stopping me, and much more. 
B) I knew / know that suicide is a huge problem as far as being able to make it to the next 'eternal life' as described in the Bible and not end up in eternal torment 
C) I realized that no matter how bad my situation might be, there are literally thousands of people around the world who have it FAR WORSE than I do. I learned this simple truth thanks to a guy I became friends with on AOL back in '92. He was a paraplegic and had zero feeling from his waist down. He told me one day, that he was sorry that I had it so hard and would for the rest of my life. I said how can I have it worse than you, when you are paralyzed? His response was simple and humbled me  - and still humbles me every time I think about him. He said yes, I'm paralyzed, however I am totally free of pain from my waist down. I realized in that moment just how vital having the correct perspective about everything in our lives is, for us to be able to find health and happiness.